A big vent post a sabbatical of 3 years

I had wanted to stop writing on this personal space long time back but the pressure inside me has built up and very badly need a vent. I don’t think there are folks that are still following my blog post and its better if no one reads this also.

Last month, my father passed away. He wasn’t ill. He and mother had shifted to their new own house hardly a month back and I had come down to attend their house warming function. His exit from the world was sudden, shocking and within a span of 2 weeks he left the world. Seeing the physical form not knowing whether there is a pulse beating inside him or not was first time for me and the word shocking is underrated.

The word death is not new to me as I had to experience my grandpa, grand ma, aunts and mother in law leaving. Almost all of them were sick for a long time and when their departure finally came I had reconciled to the fact that they lived a good life and they are going to a place where there is no more suffering. Everyone who offered a comforting word said that they can no longer feel pain. They suffered a lot in this world but death was dignified and exit out of the world was done with utmost respect.

But post my father’s departure, the suffering came after that. In the final hours, the search for an ambulance frantically in the faint hope of saving him amidst the covid pandemic.. was only met with an apathetic crude remark that I was needlessly doing it. Relatives cursing pastors and Pastors commenting on relatives and everyone else commenting on why the brothers are not there and why dad has to pass away with only the wife and daughter being there. People coming to the ceremony but staying as distanced as they could as if they attended an infectious person’s death. I didn’t ask you to come first of all. Why come and do all this drama?

Some want me to conduct a 30 day ceremony and an online prayer meeting so that they can pass it on, view it all and talk behind our back. The last virtual prayer meeting arranged by my brother was tossed upon among strangers and ill-willed people and boasted upon. Did you get your pleasure folks?

Some say that I should invite people while no body is ready to come over. Almost every person I invited in this pandemic, declined. Why on earth should I invite first of all in this pandemic? Why should I hear silly people saying that if I don’t invite, my papa will not rest in peace.

Some want me to do live-telecast of whatever prayer meeting is happening by making me hold my mobile camera without bothering about my current emotions.

Some ask me to follow up on multiple procedures while I am already following up on the same and everyone wants me to act according to their own way and will. How many bosses and different book of work should I listen to?

Some say that if you give a little more money, things will get done and since you are pathetically poor, we will send you that amount. And if I politely decline the offer, they say that they have the right to share in their relatives last rites and I have no right to decline that amount. Do you really know what you are saying?

Some say why your brother’s in-laws or their relatives didn’t come? Why your father’s relatives stay until the final ceremony? Why no body gave anything to your mother. Oh! Poor You!! Are you really feeding to my hurt or feeling happy that you are enjoying at how I am cringing hearing all this nonsense?

What will your mother do now? Will she come with you? But tell you what, mom will never come with you. We heard what she tells about you. But don’t leave mommy in this house. Will your brothers come?

People and their perceptions!! You don’t really know that you are harassing a woman.

I try to bottle inside all my emotions so that I do no react or respond to anyone but most of the times I see that people who you mostly learn to trust are the ones who ill-treat you but help does come from different directions from people who are meant by God to help you and who you never expected in the first place to do it.

For those who helped, wish God blesses them with all his choicest blessings and for those who harassed, may god forgive them for they are not really knowing what they are doing.

The never ending woes of working women

The recent attack on an woman employee working in IT sector in Chennai was covered in News Minute and an article written by the secretary of IT union.

https://www.thenewsminute.com/article/midnight-attack-chennai-woman-techie-exposes-lack-safety-it-union-leader-writes-76505

Some comments that have been raised are very valid and still expose that the IT sector only poses as they do care for employees but are really not. There is a term called ‘Politically right’. Almost all the policies that are supposedly employee friendly have been designed in the manner that its politically right and they are there for employees but not there.

A couple of examples.

1. Companies are situated in a town that is in outskirts of the City. For this they may claim that its a SEZ zone and all and that they do have Work From Home Policy. But wfm is at the whims of one’s manager and subject to customer approval. If customer doesn’t approve or the manager doesn’t approve, the employee needs to travel irrespective of the gender, health or whatever situation the person is in.
2. There is no real end to the amount of work that can be extracted out of an employee citing variable pay and comparative rating scale. A woman employee who works in regular hours (say 8 to 5) and completes all her work chores within that time frame is looked down upon when compared to another (male or female) employee who comes in at 11 AM and decides to leave at 7 PM and may not complete as much as the work also. The ‘working late’ and ‘working outside of regular office hours’ is considered as a good employee trait.

Probably they will learn from these incidents, probably not. I think the current incident may only result in Companies asking the women employees to provide a ‘disclaimer signature’ saying that Company is not responsible for whatever happens to employee irrespective of the time they come or leave. I guess some companies already do it.

 

 

 

Letters to my son – II

Baby, in my earlier letter I covered till Proverbs 31: 14.  In this letter, I will try and cover the rest.

15: She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.

You know, I also get up even before sun light. The maid who does cleaning and mopping doesn’t come till night and hence in the morning before I leave to work, I ensure that I at least complete cooking and provide food. But I don’t sleep that early at night and I am aware that I am doing an injustice to my body. Son, don’t treat yourself and your companion this way. I want you to go to sleep early and wake up early in the morning. Find yourself a work that will respect your biological clock. You both can partner and while you are helping at one chore, she can concentrate on another.

16: She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

I do wish to buy a plot for you and your father after I close off the flat loan. Son, put your earnings to good use and invest it for you and your family. By saying this, you will sense that am detaching myself from your immediate family. I am sure am your extended family after your are married. I know that you will love me nevertheless as you do love me now but ensure that you care for your own safety first.

17: She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks

This is one verse which motivated me from my child hood. I never said NO to lifting weights or hard chore tasks but sure am facing some consequences of pain now but never mind I would like you and your companion to be lovers of hard work. Whatever you do, do it with all your heart and passion. You will succeed. This verse is not just for her but for you both.

18: She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.

This can seem like an over-expectation. How can one not sleep at night and wake up early. Probably one does go to sleep. Only when you sleep, your body repairs and rejuvenates itself. So, try to maintain 8 hours of beauty sleep.

19: In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

This hints at a hobby of the woman and I would like both of you to have a hobby too independent of each other so that you both don’t hit boredom. Try excelling in sports, play or anything that you may seem noble. You know that’s why I have enrolled you in music. I very well know that you are not that much into it now but over a point, you will come to like or even love it.

20: She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

My son, watch out for this behavior. If the woman of the house is stingy towards poor and doesn’t care for the down-ridden, then probably she will never be towards you also. Let her appreciate the fruits of hard work and then pass on the fruit only to the needy. The same goes to you. Please ensure that you give a good portion to people suffering around you. You don’t have to send something overseas which you can’t see.

21: When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 

How I love this woman. All of the people at home are well clothed royally. Son, I try my best to dress you well. Sometimes money is hard and I try comparing with what I have to what I can afford. Dress well Son and Dear Lady. When I see you probably 20 years from now or I may not live tthat long, I wish you dress really well and look good and pretty.

22: She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

Son, this is for you. Ensure you water your own vine (companion) well. I want her dressed in fine clothes and jewelry so that when people look at her, they’ll know that she is taken care of by a person who loves her very much.

23: Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

Do you think just because the noble woman does all this, her husband is respected at the city gate? NO. He is a man of noble deeds and has earned his respect. For you to reach this stage, you would need to serve first and learn to be humble. Never oppress anyone. Don’t hit anyone. God will ensure that you will be respected at the end.

24, 25: She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

This verse, dear Son and Daughter is for both of you. While you are hard at business, do dress with strength and dignity. People who see you should admire you for your choices and not talk behind your back. Your body assets are for you both and are not meant to be public display. If I say this when am over 50, you may ridicule me as an old lady and hence am saying this when I am still in my thirties. Dear daughter, it is good to have your own hobby or business or whatever you think as would be useful to you. This is not because am after money, this is because I want you to feel the satisfaction of hard work and the fact that you can help others. But don’t do just for the sake of me.  If I am alive until then, I will get you the support system which I didn’t get while raising my son. If not and you don’t have the support system, do what you feel.

26: She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

At times, the christian world also says that men shouldn’t listen to their wives but if you see here, the wife speaks with wisdom and instruction that is faithful. In whatever you both do, do what you think is best for your family and don’t give heed to others outside your trusted circle. Friends, relatives and everyone else come outside and they should never take priority over both of you.

27: She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

This is one verse which I ponder for a long time. The lady of the house is at house and is not idle. This I am trying very hard son and you know how much I slog from early morning till night. But I want you both to be moderate and not slog like me. In my case, I am a nobody with no address and hence have to put in effort so that you can have an address. I sincerely hope that you both will have your own address and hence will only need to build additional fortune while we last in this material world. So, don’t be too hard and be moderate. Even if it comes to cooking, it is best to have simple home cooked food than eat stale and processed food.

28: Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ²⁹ “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

You know son, there is nothing that feels great for a woman than her husband loving, cherishing and praising her. She will reach great heights for him just for this. Be together and build the family and never ever stay apart for financial or domestic reasons.

30, 31: Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I hope you realize these last two verses my son and daughter. The world is cunning enough. Foxes are out there to exploit whatever you have and ground you, so, I really need you to have the right support. Charm is really deceptive. Never look at money or looks. That’s fleeting. And if you really find a good woman, never ever hurt her. If her spirit dies within her, you won’t be able to get it back when you need her the most.

Letters to my son!

This letter is modeled after Proverbs 31 and I am not sure son, whether you will get a chance to read it or whether some other son or daughter in the world would read it in future. Here am I, your mother trying to decipher life, love and the real world and while I don’t really know what is in stake for me for future, my only hope and love is in God who I believe loves me for who I am. There will be similar situations that you may also go through.. These letters I hope would possibly help you.

Getting back to Proverbs 31, you would wonder why I chose it? Isn’t it for the perfect woman, wife and mother? You would see, that this chapter is a series of advice given by a mother to her son dreaming about how perfect her daughter in law she expects to be. The wife of a noble character. My son, before you go and find such a woman, I expect you to be noble too.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+31

Proverbs 31: 1, 2 = I can surely agree with the mother as you also are answers to my prayers. A very desperate prayer.

3 – The mother is right here.. Do not spend your strength on other women. You will certainly meet your companion for life. One who is your flesh and rib. Please wait for her and choose her not for money or looks or body but for love. And remain a companion to her life long. This decision son, that you make is one of the crucial decisions of your life. So, please do be careful here.

4- This verse says about wine and yes, Son. Stay away from wine, or smoke or any other addiction that men of this world might have. Never ever touch it. Its really not worth it.

5,6, 7, 8 and 9- The one who go after such addiction and worldly pleasures are those who oppress the vulnerable. Son, I am trying hard to make your life comfortable and not go through the same hardship that I went. This is to not give you a worldly life but so that you will ensure that you will not go and oppress someone or become a money launderer. If you see someone suffering, speak up for them. Don’t watch silently. Help the poor, uplift the ones who suffer. Be against them who squander the vulnerable.

10-11: Your wife that I am praying for. is far more worth than rubies. She will be the angel and companion of your life. My son, I wish you will also be the same to her. Love her next to God. Son, even my life should be placed next to her. There will be times when she is vulnerable. Never ever take advantage of her. Trust her and earn her trust. When a couple love each other mutually and want to stay together no matter what, they will for sure triumph all challenges. But when you look at your companion as what income she brings in or what kind of a body she has, my son, you would not get the ruby that I am praying for.

12: Do her good all the days of your life. So that, you will also get the same.

13: Provide for her and cherish her as you would cherish your own body. As your body needs food, warmth, clothes and love, so would she. Provide for the children you both would have.

— This letter, I will continue.

 

 

 

 

Inspire – In the midst of suffering

These days, there is a pseudo christian belief that teaches people that if a person is good, commits no sin, then he prospers in life with all material and non material riches in the world. If he is lacking something, then it means that he has committed some sin and that’s why he is lacking. Pseudo religious teachers are able to inject this doctrine in unsuspecting uneducated/or stupid believers, make them feel always guilty about something and mint money.

Now, coming to the very fact of saying, would a righteous person not suffer? If this is true, then the most righteous people on earth are/were Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Steve Jobs and in our own South India, it is Jayalalitha and Karunanidhi.

Coming to the fact of people who suffered but still inspired.

1. Fanny Crosby – Blind most of her life, has written more than 8000 christian songs.
2. William Orcutt Cushing – Contributed all his life savings to a blind girl so that she received education, wrote 300+ christian hymns that are sung in churches even today and yet suffered paralysis.
3. Horatio Spafford – Lost his 4 daughters on a voyage and wrote the song “It is well with my soul”.
4. John Newton – Was abused, in depression, tried murdering and in slave trade .. contributed the song “Amazing Grace”.

In my examples above, I have given only people from one genre. People who suffered equally like you and me and yet gave something back to the society they came from and inspired/encouraged people.

But this doesn’t mean that only righteous people suffer. If you are someone who is chewing tobacco all life and getting cancer, then you cannot blame that you are suffering for something good that you did. To cut it short, keep your life simple. Treat your body well and don’t abuse it. Treat your relation ships well and don’t abuse or exploit people.

In spite of all the good that you do, if you still suffer, ponder in silence and do not give up. Check if there is some way to rectify the problem you are in. This didn’t happen to you because you sinned. No one in this world can claim that they are 100% perfect. So, if you still think that you might have sinned or did some harm to someone unknowingly, feel sorry and let it go. Probably this situation will make you tough so that you will contribute something back to the world.

Every one asks, Why Me? Seriously, Only you know why you? Because you endured and you will show the way out for people who go through similar situations. Be Brave 🙂

 

Who is my neighbor? My Good Samaritan Story

I used to be a bit curious when ever I saw pious Hindu men wearing saffron clothes and no slippers, wearing that chain and my friends used to tell me that they do all sort of penance and don’t eat non-vegetarian food or speak to women. Women are considered impure or tempting I guess. So, I was a little prejudiced when I saw those men and even when my friends’ fathers were on that routine, I used to hastily mind my own business or not talk to them. Also, there was this religious and fanatic group within my own religion that discouraged us and made us look at these people as insane guys who worship idols. So, though I had differing opinion, I at least had the sense to keep all this nonsense to myself. All this changed sometime back.

I was on an official travel to do a presentation. The day before was really hectic and I managed to do all my official and domestic chores and had travelled the entire night. I didn’t sleep much. The next day also was packed and I didn’t treat my body well. Meaning, that I didn’t feed it with food, water and rest when it was really needed. I was just running against time and then also, work was there. By night time I managed to wrap up and had to take a train back to my city. I hadn’t had any dinner and a migraine had formed in the base of my skull. Somehow I managed to reach the railway station and sat in the compartment. It was late.. almost 11 PM and my father in law came to station with idly. I really didn’t have the strength to eat anything but still since I saw him coming all the way from his home to station, I didn’t want to hurt him. I accepted it and he went home peacefully. Then, I tried having it and threw up badly. Migraine is worst if it comes during the night, and when it comes during travel. The aura, vomiting and head ache all added to my misery.

Thats’ when the gentleman sitting next to me took notice of me. He was a man in his sixties, wore saffron clothes, wasn’t wearing sandals also. He asked me whether I needed help and offered me water (it was Aquafina that he had got for himself). Even after I had it, he asked me to wash my face with it and said its ok, he will buy one more for him. Here, itself I was bowled over by the behavior of this stranger. Should I trust or not trust? Then, he spoke to the fellow travelers, switched off the lights and ensured that I go to sleep immediately. I had the feeling of my own father taking control of the situation. Since, I always travel with my medicine kit these days I took it and went to sleep.

The next day morning after my station came, he got up too and came along with me till the cab point. He waited till I got into the cab, asked me to take care and then left.

— I am revising my opinion of people and think that God can use any person of any religion, caste or creed if he wants to help someone. I saw God helping me through this wonderful person who is actually supposed to be chaste, not talking to ladies kind and mind their own business. What really made him help out a Christian lady who was vomiting? I think these days, people would rather close their noses and get out of the situation. He rather choose to be in the same situation and be a good Samaritan!!

In spite of all this, I didn’t know this wonderful person’s name other than the saffron symbol. May God Bless you Sir and do 100 times the good of what you did to me.