I had wanted to stop writing on this personal space long time back but the pressure inside me has built up and very badly need a vent. I don’t think there are folks that are still following my blog post and its better if no one reads this also.
Last month, my father passed away. He wasn’t ill. He and mother had shifted to their new own house hardly a month back and I had come down to attend their house warming function. His exit from the world was sudden, shocking and within a span of 2 weeks he left the world. Seeing the physical form not knowing whether there is a pulse beating inside him or not was first time for me and the word shocking is underrated.
The word death is not new to me as I had to experience my grandpa, grand ma, aunts and mother in law leaving. Almost all of them were sick for a long time and when their departure finally came I had reconciled to the fact that they lived a good life and they are going to a place where there is no more suffering. Everyone who offered a comforting word said that they can no longer feel pain. They suffered a lot in this world but death was dignified and exit out of the world was done with utmost respect.
But post my father’s departure, the suffering came after that. In the final hours, the search for an ambulance frantically in the faint hope of saving him amidst the covid pandemic.. was only met with an apathetic crude remark that I was needlessly doing it. Relatives cursing pastors and Pastors commenting on relatives and everyone else commenting on why the brothers are not there and why dad has to pass away with only the wife and daughter being there. People coming to the ceremony but staying as distanced as they could as if they attended an infectious person’s death. I didn’t ask you to come first of all. Why come and do all this drama?
Some want me to conduct a 30 day ceremony and an online prayer meeting so that they can pass it on, view it all and talk behind our back. The last virtual prayer meeting arranged by my brother was tossed upon among strangers and ill-willed people and boasted upon. Did you get your pleasure folks?
Some say that I should invite people while no body is ready to come over. Almost every person I invited in this pandemic, declined. Why on earth should I invite first of all in this pandemic? Why should I hear silly people saying that if I don’t invite, my papa will not rest in peace.
Some want me to do live-telecast of whatever prayer meeting is happening by making me hold my mobile camera without bothering about my current emotions.
Some ask me to follow up on multiple procedures while I am already following up on the same and everyone wants me to act according to their own way and will. How many bosses and different book of work should I listen to?
Some say that if you give a little more money, things will get done and since you are pathetically poor, we will send you that amount. And if I politely decline the offer, they say that they have the right to share in their relatives last rites and I have no right to decline that amount. Do you really know what you are saying?
Some say why your brother’s in-laws or their relatives didn’t come? Why your father’s relatives stay until the final ceremony? Why no body gave anything to your mother. Oh! Poor You!! Are you really feeding to my hurt or feeling happy that you are enjoying at how I am cringing hearing all this nonsense?
What will your mother do now? Will she come with you? But tell you what, mom will never come with you. We heard what she tells about you. But don’t leave mommy in this house. Will your brothers come?
People and their perceptions!! You don’t really know that you are harassing a woman.
I try to bottle inside all my emotions so that I do no react or respond to anyone but most of the times I see that people who you mostly learn to trust are the ones who ill-treat you but help does come from different directions from people who are meant by God to help you and who you never expected in the first place to do it.
For those who helped, wish God blesses them with all his choicest blessings and for those who harassed, may god forgive them for they are not really knowing what they are doing.
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